Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
