Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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