so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
