the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
