My hand turned me down
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
