I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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