He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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