Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
