No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
