I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
