Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
