Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
