Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize