You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
