it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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