you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
