You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
