3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
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