Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
