If i come over, it means nothing
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
