Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
