Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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