My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
