someone threw a dead crab at me
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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