I'm gonna have a badass scar
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
