I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
