When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Randomize
