eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
