whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
