Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
