Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
