No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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