I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
