If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Randomize
