They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
