omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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