Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
