How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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