woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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