Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
