Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
