I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
