dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
