he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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