Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
