I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
