used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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