I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
