i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
