$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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