Can i not drive my cunt home
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
