I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just had sex on a roof
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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