I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
