Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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