i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
