please come you make the beer taste better
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
