You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
