doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
