sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
