K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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