So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
