I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize