i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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