I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
