I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
