I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You're a disaster
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