I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just google imaged poop.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
