they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
