no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I will be naked everywhere
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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