I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sext me about skeletons
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
