Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
