Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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