Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
