I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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