I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
