i think my tv is drunk
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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